if i had volcano boots

remember when everything was in black and white?
yeah.. i don't, either.


i've been thinking about james nachtwey, lately.
[his energy.. and his clothes]

i go through phases of dress
last winter it was tight pants and ridiculously large and embarrassing sweaters.
basketmaker.basketmaker.basketmaker.bunniessaycharge.1988koreanolympics

in the summer i was hunting for the perfection dress. weddings aand the beach.
thank you blue linen baby doll.

lately i've been wearing plain pants.. my disintegrating knock off keds and whatever.
conclusion: i need a uniform.
white dress shirt. black pants. bwpumas short white hair? yes? YES. RAYA?! O.o



because looking the same everyday is so satisfying.
because if that stays still something else will move
because the universe will know i'm trying
because internships are on the brain
because need less use less is beautiful

because
i'm sick of looking 12.
[that's not true]
dying my hair black wasn't enough
[back to shortshort?]
pigtails must die
[shit, but it feels soo right]
contacts for glasses
[i'm scared]
grow some heels
[then i'll get respect]
you think too much
[and you care, why?]



james nachtwey
his shirts are so white..
and his pants are slightly creased.
plain black backpack. shoes tied tight.
les sigh...
les lovely.

enough about me..

.. let's talk about you.
[psa to all the gentlemen out there]




prints are always richer than scans.. :T.


sometimes i feel like a girl..

and it's nice.

things sparkle just for me..
the wind loops my hair
and makes it smell like the woods.




my skin is moisturized
i am more badass in my subtleties than you know

and pink isn't such a stupid color after all.

regarding the pain others.

bye bye castro fidel
hello castro raul

musharraf.. pakistan is so over you.

did you feel the illinoise?
five college kids certainly did.

a total eclipse of the heart [read: the moon] tonight.


something is certainly brewing.
mm.. everyday there is more universal heartache, no?
i guess it's just up to me each day..
to care.. to check.. to feel the world
or not.

most days it's just easier to not.



unsure about a lot of things, lately.
i don't feel stable in any of my classes, really.
not really motivated in any clear way, yet..
i feel like a photo baby all over again.



i'm eagerly waiting call backs and email replies from AIDS organizations in DC.
is it wrong to be jealous that my friends are making actual contacts with sick people and i'm not?
yes. yes, it is.. what the hell is wrong with me?
finding joy and hope in getting access to other people's pain.

but that's the point, i guess.
how do you get to the point of showing the empathy and information through images
without doing legwork?
and how do you persevere through the rejections without a tenaciously positive attitude?



come on susan sontag..
let's talk.

i hope you find the magic on the floor..

that i left behind.. and forgot to close the door.



[a.o.k t.k.o.]

i woke up this morning in a living room alone with all the blinds down..
clock ticking sloppily.. foot traffic in my ears..
and a bug bite of some sort on my left butt cheek..
a living room that wasn't mine.
... it took me way too long to realize that i was at lindsey and renee's and everything was aok.



[a plus]

veganism has kicked into gear..
and i've lost some weight in the process..
but i think i look exactly the same.

this means that i either now look like what i thought i looked like weeks ago
or i legitimately look like what i used to.
i win either way right? right.

[i could have determined that i lose either way..
but i didn't, because i like to stay positive.
positivity. yes.]




[dogs & water]

why does anders nilsen have to so perfectly unfold my heart with his non-linear story telling..
great devotion to white space..
and sensitivity towards gray and other muted colors?





[damnit]

michelle yo was making moves..
as fast as she could..
jumping streams.. making paths.. pumping her arms in the air victoriously

in new sneakers.
making aerodynamic moves.
until the wind stopped. the trees fell.
the treadmill snapped.
she fell in a hole
and skinned her knees

now it hurts when she walks.
skin cracking over and over, again.
and she's pretty much sure her new shoes are seriously ugly.

i'm me.. me be

goddamn
i am
i can
sing and..
hear me.. know me..



weezer day has come and gone.
and that's that.



16 years ago on feburary 14th.. =w had their first band practice..
and so began the catalyst of my twisted and wonderful adolescent formation.
i'm not interested in listening to them every day.. or even every weekmonth
but they're in my bones.. my marrow.. my ride home..

their music has scarred me for life..


thanks a lot, rivers..




reasons why the blast off! video is excellent:
- trampoline exercises
- traditional calligraphy i learned in korean school
- mini fountain
- rivers takes off his pants
blastoff!

oh, were it to stop.. my tick tock, ticktockclock

i've been waking up in the morning with a cold nose
slightly damp.. kind of pink..
i have to hold it in between my fingers for a while, until it warms back up.

makes me feel kind of like a puppy and its owner at the same time..
it's a strange thought process i go through moments upon waking..
but i kind of look forward to it now.


[yep.. still scanning]


i lost a glove.
i found a glove..
the universe is good.



focus knob on my yashicamat broke.
it's going to cost $90 to fix.
heartbreak.

in a panic to finish my work for the week.. i resorted to shooting my memory project on color paper with a pinhole camera.
really interesting.. and kind of fun..
but it's no where near as conceptually satisfying as it could have been.
not that excited for the crit..
maybe i just needed an extra lesson in humility this week.



[appendage :: 9:45pm]

i was walking home in the rain sans umbrella.
glasses throwing sparkles of color in my eyes..
counting on my ruby red glitter slippers to get me home safely.

almost tripped.. got picked up..
and walked a little ways home under an umbrella
of a gentleman who recognized me from an event..

chivalry is not dead, ladies.
cheers to gay boys with umbrellas.
[straight ones, too.. i guess.. but none of them helped me out, tonight]

hello, ash wednesday

hello oatmeal.
hello pb&j.
hello soy.


a humid 76F today..
i wore a skirt without tights..
the freedom has come too soon.

i gave a presentation on my sources and influences[couldn't include photography]:
slideshow set to lali puna
miranda july short story recording

my time was up before getting to my tomine comic.
here's the last page to hawaiian getaway starring hilary chan...







[goodbye eggs.
goodbye cheese.
goodbye milk.
goodbye butter]

what would you do if i sang out of tune?..

.. would you stand up and walk out on me?


the high is 68F in the district today..
and the wonder years theme song plays over and over again in my mind.

adv color has got my brain whirling.
i've always been anxious to do color photography..
i've always wanted to make books..
here it is.
now's the time.
scary.


scanned a few negatives..


lend me your ear and i'll sing you a song


and i'll try not to sing out of key.

cobrasnake <3 pandacat

i've had the inkling that thecobrasnake is subconsiously stalking me


my monties on not my face


myo like whoa.
making it rain, of course.


it's pretty much confirmed.
thecobrasnake.com.